..”falling in love is like falling asleep when classes are going on, you were not supposed to but you did.”
ayun, walang connection sa post ko.haha
..i started blogging coz’ i think that this could help me escape my reality. i got so much in mind about you, about me, about us.just like any other bloggers here, this is a defense mech. trying to speak it all out. trying to release all those depressions and all.
three years and three months of a serious relationship really ate up my stupid self. it’s not that long but i got so attached that it feels like forever.haha but still it ended, and it seems like all the heavens have fallen down on me. tama si kuya, that ‘i love you forever’ is a lie. sa wedding nga may till death do us part eh, sa mag boyfriend pa kaya?haha they say that when it’s dead, it is dead. i should not go checking for pulse every five minutes.haha so easy to say. but i still want to try, and no matter what, i’d still go check the pulse. every minute.
but of course, i’ve got to face it. that even a hundred times of checking will not revive what was already dead.
mahirap mag-pretend na ok na ako.the truth is i feel miserable and all. no i dont miss you. but i miss the thing that you made feel. ang masama nyan, missing it and all doesnt feel good. masakit. nakakainis. every now and then, bumabalik ang depression. ayoko na talaga. haha nakakainis na. nakakapagod. till now im still asking myself if it really was my fault.=’l ako ba? ikaw? o tayong dalawa?
many times im putting the blame on me pero after all those things i did to make you come back, narealize ko na hindi lang ako ang may kasalanan. or if it was really my fault, you should have forgiven me when i said i’m sorry. pero hindi eh, it seems na gusto mo talaga yun, you just waited for it to come from me.haha so stupid. you’re such a..haha basta.
well, now im trying to clean the mess you left.hahaha if i can no more revive the dead, then maybe my only choice now is to find myself. the one that i lost when i was with you. maybe it happened cause ‘our turn’ has already expired.haha when i try to look back, i realized that we didnt have a healthy relationship at all. siguro after nito, matatawa na lang din ako sa sarili ko. anyways, i’ve got biba to tell me, “anu ka ba be! is he gwapo enough?“..haha indeed, you are not.
